Friday, December 02, 2005

Banana Bunker

I know, I have not posted anything in a very, very long time. However, this could not be ignored. Come on, a banana bunker? It looks like it belongs in an adult store.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Jesus and Wal-Mart

Very busy times, weddings, work and simple craziness. 8 more days and the wife and I are bound for Kauai for 8 days without kids, pagers, computers, blackberries and phone calls from work. I need a time machine for several different reasons.

Jesus seems to be the theme today:

- Jesus is a swear word according to kids at this school.

- Jesus the gambler.

- Good Katrina news.

- And some news from the Persian Gulf.

- Wal-Mart employees representin’.

- Interesting way to be remembered.

- Even Subway dislikes the French.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Working from home

Why is it so great to have the ability to work from home? Well, this picture sums it all up.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Gray Hair... Cometh

Parenting and discipline. You know my wife and I always say to our kids that we hope that their kids will be the same as them and give them a hard time. I’m starting to believe that my kids are doing everything bad that I did when I was little. Jesus H. Christ, these kids of mine can be little demons sometimes. Tell them one thing and they do the opposite or they straight up tell you “no”. Man alive that’s enough to drive someone crazy (or to drink). I come home from work and the kids are at each others necks like a couple of vampires. I wish I could hang garlic and crosses all around my house to stop the madness. Instead, I have to resort to “smart parenting” type things like; “fifteen minutes sitting at the table reading” or “copy these paragraphs out of a book”. Bah I say.. It's lame, I wish you really could hang a child by their toe nails and make them memorize Aramaic or Latin.

I sit back and try to think of what I hated most when I was disciplined as a little rug rat. The only thing that I really remember was writing a report about a book I just read. I loved reading so I was giving my Dad tons of ammo to punish me because I despised writing a report. Plus, I was only allowed to watch television on Thursday nights during the school week (Cosby Show) so my school nights were filled with several books about mountain climbing, forestry and of course the Encyclopedias. I can honestly say that I read the entire 1983 Encyclopedia Britannica A-Z, have you? So my “reports” ranged from Aalsmeer to Marie Elizabeth Zakrzewska, many, many reports were written.

What type of punishment/discipline should I give my kids for talking back, fighting or not doing what they are told? I’m thinking that I need to place an order for a nice new set of encyclopedias. Anyone know any good salesman?

Monday, September 26, 2005


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Web Tards

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Wireless Headsets

I have expressed my dislike of rolling bags and the accessory utility belt already, but here is one that I find almost as annoying as both of them. Wire Headsets. What is it that these people are thinking? Do they think that Scotty is going to beam them up? Do they have a light saber attached to their belts? Seriosly, the only place a headset or ear bud needs to be on is when it's in use not walking around the town. If you are not on the phone TALKING to someone you don't need the ear bud or headset attached to your ear.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Fox Network... Get in to the now.

So I'm sitting here watching the Seahawks play the Arizona Cardinals (do they really have cardinals in AZ?).

Anyways, how far back in the past is Fox? Since the game is here in Seattle, they assume that we all wear flannel and torn jeans! Each break they play Peal Jam, Soundgarden and Temple of the Dog! Yes, Pearl Jam is still a great band and Soundgarden no longer exists. Why do they think that we all live back in the early ninetys? Do people around this country really think that we are still living in the grunge world circa 1991? Seattle is not "Singles" anymore.

What do people think of Seattle? Do they think that we only drink Starbucks, use all Microsoft software, dress head to toe in REI and Eddie Bauer (all companies based here)?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Almost Friday...

You have to check out Dane Cook he will definitely make you laugh until you puke up shards of your pelvis. His new CD “Retaliation” is the getting the most play on my iPod lately. If you have not seen him or listened to him, definitely check him out. I believe that he is going to be on some special on Comedy Central on 2 October. Take a bite of it, chew it, it’s delicious and nutritious.

· Most popular tattoos in Missouri prisons. Unicorns? Bunnies?

· Wow! Talk about a smooth way to pour a beer!

· Very neat water sculptures.

· 6 day weeks with 28 hour days. Interested?

· Church purifies drug money.

· Today’s idiot award goes to….

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Tuesdays Reads and Rage

Smelly, Stanky, Nasty, Dirty People. You know those people, they look clean, nicely groomed, however they smell like a wet dog that has been running through a landfill. Here at the workplace you run into them all of the time, some of them are bike messengers, those guys I can deal with because they are riding their bikes all day so they have an excuse. The people are wearing slacks and a button up shirt that smell like a bag of ass with a side of 14-day-old gorgonzola cheese. There are not just a couple of these people, there is a colony of them that work here! They work at desks for Gods sake! What kind of funk can you brew up while typing away at a keyboard and dragging a mouse across a desk? I understand there are some people that have “problems” and can’t control some bodily functions/issues, however the people that I run into do not appear to have any of those issues. I’m telling you that almost all of the senses are assaulted when walking into an elevator recently occupied by one of these people. Smell is the first one, then the eyes start to water due to the stench and by far the worst, taste. The days that you walk into the elevator and you can just taste the funk that has been left behind, iiichhh, simply nauseating. Occasionally you can handle one of the people, but they tend to travel in packs spreading their cloud of funk, coating everything in their path rendering nearly all of your senses in a state of utter shock.

· Turn the power off after the President leaves the area. Brian Williams holds nothing back.

· Google secure Wi-Fi! I’m telling you, they are going to own EVERYTHING someday.

· Today’s Wal-Mart story. No lunch for you! Yet another reason why you should not shop with this evil corporation.

· Amazingly Halliburton is not mentioned in this article.

· Excerpts of John Kerry’s speech at Brown University. Pay particular attention to the last paragraph below, it sums things up pretty darn good.

“This is the Katrina administration,” read prepared remarks posted on 2004 Democratic presidential nominee’s website, “Katrina is a symbol of all this administration does and doesn't do,” read Kerry’s script, portions of which were included in an e-mail to supporters that ended with a fundraising appeal.

“Michael Brown [Bush’s former emergency-management director] … is to Katrina what [former Iraq administrator] Paul Bremer is to peace in Iraq; what [former CIA Director] George Tenet is to slam-dunk intelligence; what [former Deputy Defense Secretary] Paul Wolfowitz is to parades paved with flowers in Baghdad; what [Vice President] Dick Cheney is to visionary energy policy; what [Defense Secretary] Donald Rumsfeld is to basic war planning; what [House Majority Leader] Tom Delay [R-Texas] is to ethics; and what George Bush is to ‘Mission Accomplished’ and ‘Wanted Dead or Alive.’”